I Confess... to thinking of you

I sit here alone, studying ...I have to study, concentrate, code this information, retain it, and then later recall it. But the only thing I really can do is think of you.

People say love is...

Article- People Say Love Is...
By: Afreen Chowdhury
Date: May 24, 2009

People say that when you find that person, the right person that you'll just know. Is that really true? Will you just know? What physiological or psychological indications make it apparent that you have fallen in love with this one person and that you cannot live without them? Is it the sweaty palms, rapid beating heart or the fact that realizing how much this person means to you brings tears to your ever deep ocean eyes? Love, like anything else grows when nourished but the amazing process is often hidden away. One can be building a castle of love but not be aware of it. Placing brick by brick, painting each wall red like the pure blood running through one's veins for their loved one, slowly constructing this massive passionate love that is going unnoticed.

People say that love conquers all evil; it diminishes all hate, so how can such a great thing be seen by the naked eye? Love itself is not blind; it is the lovers that are blind to see the love that is present in front of them. Love is unbounded, undefined, never ending yet given away so easily. It is not the roses, the hugs and kisses that make it so special. No...it is the memories, the times, the smiles, the tears, it is understanding and patient. It is self-less, its deep; Its growing old together, and its raising the young together.

People say that they are masters of their mind; that they are sentient to their feelings and what they truly want. LIES! It is all lies that we tell ourselves to make ourselves feel superior to our bodies and minds. There is a whole another level in the mind that is not conscious to your apparent present. It is the sub-conscious, the unconscious that truly knows you. Lies, like beauty, is only skin deep or in this sense, only conscious deep. One cannot lie to their unconscious. So, if our conscious does not know what you want then how will it tell us who to love? “Serendipity: Look for something, find something else, and realize that what you've found is more suited to your needs than what you thought you were looking for.” - Lawrence Block.

We are never truly aware of what we want in life, but somewhere underneath it all, we are. You just have to search for it then you'll know if the person you love is the right one.

I Confess ...of no hope

Now matter how many times I tell myself, "I have to be stronger! I have to be stronger!"
... it seems that I keep getting weaker.
I can't find a way out of this hole.
It keeps getting deeper and deeper,
and my resources appear to lessen and lessen.
Why are the walls getting more slippery?
With hope as my fingers ..I can no longer hold my grip
but I'm not ready to let go..
I want to fight!
But with what intention am I holding on?
The notion that I may someday be free?
What aspect of my situation guarantees that future?
...nothing.. well nothing yet.
Again! With this hope thing! ugh ...
Let it go...

I Confess... to be an exhausted live-er

How can someone truly accept that they will never amount to anything?
You work so hard ...late hours, no parties, rolled up green free hands...
but in the end, your life gets in the way and then ...it all ends.
You are left with yourself and what life has done to you
and not what you have done with it.
Is this fair? Is this just?
Why even make an effort anymore ? ...just to have hope?
What the hell is hope anyways?!
Hope is intending for a desired destiny
..one that will never come because, Life ...
Yes, Life! ...that uncontrollable thing you're in
...has its own plans for you
Plans that you clearly have no say in.
So, no need to buckle up; no need to turn on the car ...
You're not headed anywhere special.
In fact, the car will crash before you even get to whatever unrealistic destiny you chose.
So, good luck my friend ... this confessor has given up hope and everything that comes with it
... which is nothing...

"The hardest Good-Bye comes after I Love You."

I Confess ... I don't love you anymore

We were unethically immoral!
It was beautifully pleasant!
... But it wasn't me...
And now I think I'm becoming myself again
And that part of me does not include you.
.... And I am sorry...
I am sorry that I once loved you but now don't
... I will always love you, but not the same

Life.

I Confess ... I'm getting over you

I would have never thought of the day that I would get over what happened...
Its not something that is so easy to get over .. trust me.. its beyond just a "complicated" relationship.
But I think through all the tears and heartbreaking .. I found my way to cope with what happened.
The constant rehearsal of the memories in my mind sort of ... numbed the feelings.. or rather froze them,
so that new and different feelings could arise.
These feelings were of content and friendship emotions.
I think I'm okay with what happened and I hope I never go back to that dark place again..

I wish you the best and hope that you make the best choices from now on ..
We hurt a lot of people .. but more than that, we hurt each other.
I'm sorry for what happened, but we need to move on .. in seperate directions.

Love you and always will .. <3