I Confess... to thinking of you

I sit here alone, studying ...I have to study, concentrate, code this information, retain it, and then later recall it. But the only thing I really can do is think of you.

People say love is...

Article- People Say Love Is...
By: Afreen Chowdhury
Date: May 24, 2009

People say that when you find that person, the right person that you'll just know. Is that really true? Will you just know? What physiological or psychological indications make it apparent that you have fallen in love with this one person and that you cannot live without them? Is it the sweaty palms, rapid beating heart or the fact that realizing how much this person means to you brings tears to your ever deep ocean eyes? Love, like anything else grows when nourished but the amazing process is often hidden away. One can be building a castle of love but not be aware of it. Placing brick by brick, painting each wall red like the pure blood running through one's veins for their loved one, slowly constructing this massive passionate love that is going unnoticed.

People say that love conquers all evil; it diminishes all hate, so how can such a great thing be seen by the naked eye? Love itself is not blind; it is the lovers that are blind to see the love that is present in front of them. Love is unbounded, undefined, never ending yet given away so easily. It is not the roses, the hugs and kisses that make it so special. No...it is the memories, the times, the smiles, the tears, it is understanding and patient. It is self-less, its deep; Its growing old together, and its raising the young together.

People say that they are masters of their mind; that they are sentient to their feelings and what they truly want. LIES! It is all lies that we tell ourselves to make ourselves feel superior to our bodies and minds. There is a whole another level in the mind that is not conscious to your apparent present. It is the sub-conscious, the unconscious that truly knows you. Lies, like beauty, is only skin deep or in this sense, only conscious deep. One cannot lie to their unconscious. So, if our conscious does not know what you want then how will it tell us who to love? “Serendipity: Look for something, find something else, and realize that what you've found is more suited to your needs than what you thought you were looking for.” - Lawrence Block.

We are never truly aware of what we want in life, but somewhere underneath it all, we are. You just have to search for it then you'll know if the person you love is the right one.

I Confess ...of no hope

Now matter how many times I tell myself, "I have to be stronger! I have to be stronger!"
... it seems that I keep getting weaker.
I can't find a way out of this hole.
It keeps getting deeper and deeper,
and my resources appear to lessen and lessen.
Why are the walls getting more slippery?
With hope as my fingers ..I can no longer hold my grip
but I'm not ready to let go..
I want to fight!
But with what intention am I holding on?
The notion that I may someday be free?
What aspect of my situation guarantees that future?
...nothing.. well nothing yet.
Again! With this hope thing! ugh ...
Let it go...

I Confess... to be an exhausted live-er

How can someone truly accept that they will never amount to anything?
You work so hard ...late hours, no parties, rolled up green free hands...
but in the end, your life gets in the way and then ...it all ends.
You are left with yourself and what life has done to you
and not what you have done with it.
Is this fair? Is this just?
Why even make an effort anymore ? ...just to have hope?
What the hell is hope anyways?!
Hope is intending for a desired destiny
..one that will never come because, Life ...
Yes, Life! ...that uncontrollable thing you're in
...has its own plans for you
Plans that you clearly have no say in.
So, no need to buckle up; no need to turn on the car ...
You're not headed anywhere special.
In fact, the car will crash before you even get to whatever unrealistic destiny you chose.
So, good luck my friend ... this confessor has given up hope and everything that comes with it
... which is nothing...

"The hardest Good-Bye comes after I Love You."

I Confess ... I don't love you anymore

We were unethically immoral!
It was beautifully pleasant!
... But it wasn't me...
And now I think I'm becoming myself again
And that part of me does not include you.
.... And I am sorry...
I am sorry that I once loved you but now don't
... I will always love you, but not the same

Life.

I Confess ... I'm getting over you

I would have never thought of the day that I would get over what happened...
Its not something that is so easy to get over .. trust me.. its beyond just a "complicated" relationship.
But I think through all the tears and heartbreaking .. I found my way to cope with what happened.
The constant rehearsal of the memories in my mind sort of ... numbed the feelings.. or rather froze them,
so that new and different feelings could arise.
These feelings were of content and friendship emotions.
I think I'm okay with what happened and I hope I never go back to that dark place again..

I wish you the best and hope that you make the best choices from now on ..
We hurt a lot of people .. but more than that, we hurt each other.
I'm sorry for what happened, but we need to move on .. in seperate directions.

Love you and always will .. <3

I Confess ... to being insignificant

Insignificant Sensations, By: AC
The feeling of your arms around me
Linger on my skin.
The scent of your cologne
Dance on my sweaters.
I can hear the beautiful heart beat
Synchronizing with mine.
The taste of your pink lips against mine
pressed so harmoniously
makes me dream of our future.
..A future that is now left senseless...
I never thought these feelings would even be left behind
I never imagined you leave without a good-bye.
What my ears would not do to hear those two words.
These sensations now become memories.
Did not know my sense did not deserve one last stimulation.
Left abandoned and forgotten...
Insignificant Sensations.

I Confess ... to not being caring

I don't know if its me or my circumstances that has made me this way now ..but I just don't care anymore!
I literally DON'T care if someone were to tell me they are depressed right now.
I would just shrug my shoulders and move on ...
I guess I'm just so tired to sympathesizing and empathesizing with other people
that I've become numb ...
I've habituated to the mild intensity of how everyone else's life sucks because mine just out does it!
Only when someone else is truly suffering is only when I respond..
I guess my set-point for stimulation changed.
..For all you non-psych majors... its not a good thing.
..Oh well.. I don't care...

I Confess ... to being a hypocrite

Does this ever happen to you? You say something bad about something that someone is doing (or did) ...but then you find yourself doing the same thing later on? Let me give you an example, your friend is cheating on his girlfriend and you say its wrong and unfaithful, but then you find yourself developing feelings for someone else and start sort-of cheating on your boyfriend too? ...does that make you a hypocrite? or a new empathetic person? ..perhaps both! I don't know ...but one thing that I do know is that you should not judge a person if you haven't walked a mile in their shoes.

I Confess ... I miss you

Why do I have this constant tendency to mess up my friendship/relationships? 
I get so paranoid about them leaving me and being happy in the relationship,
that I end up sabotoging the relationship.
I guess its my anxious attachment style...
I don't mean to ...
I really miss him...

I Confess ... Our Last Kiss

I still remember the look on your face
Lit through the darkness at 11:58
The words that you whispered
For just us to know
You told me you loved me
So why do you have to go away?

I can stil feel your arms..
and now I'll go sit on the floor
Wearing your clothes
All that I know is
I don't know how to be something you miss
...I always knew that we'd have a last kiss
...I always imagined we'd end like this
your name forever the name on my lips..

but why do I feel like I cannot let go of those memories?
If I always knew we'd be over then why can't I let you go?
I still look at pictures like I use to watch you sleep
I feel you forget me like I use to feel you breathe.

And I hope the sun shines
And it's a beautiful day
And something reminds you
You wish you had stayed
You can plan for a change in the weather and time
But I never planned on you changing your mind...

So...I'll go sit on the floor
Wearing your clothes
All that I know is
I don't know how to be something you miss
...I always knew that we'd have a last kiss
...I always imagined we'd end like this
your name forever the name on my lips..